And me telling you mine in response. The things we couldn't say to the parents, the things we couldn't tell our friends. We were each other's sounding boards. We were each other's half. It feels weird without you now. Like I'm all alone and everything I have to say is stuck inside my head.
2. Eating dough.
When the parents used to leave we always used to cover for each other. And we always made cookie dough to eat together in front of the TV or playstation. We would get all the ingredients, get them all over the floor, all through the sink, mix it with super speed, eat it, then feel sick. Then we would have two minutes to clean up. And I don't think anyone ever really knew.
3. Asking your advice for things you obviously didn't care about.
Like how my hair looked, and how my clothes looked, and how would this look if I changed it into a dress, or if I did make up like this all the time. And I dressed you so we kind of matched, but in the end your style looked way cooler than me, and secretly I was jealous, but not really. I was kind of proud that my brother was good enough for me to hang out with. And I was proud that I could ask you about anything and you always told the truth. like ' Ummm.. I hate to break it to you, but you look like a really big slut.'
4. Hearing your Voice.
I replay it over and over in my head. The things you told me, I have to otherwise I would go insane. Your talking to me in my head every day. I don't want to ever forget your voice or your smile or your anything. This sucks so bad. I can hear you screaming at me when your mad, and asking me questions and you just talking to me, and your happy voice and your sad voice and your angry voice, and when we laughed at each other I can hear that in my head. Everything is in my head, I think I'm going crazy. I hear you all the time, I see you when you're not there, I think you're still around, when obviously you're not.
5. Listening Really loud and doing crazy dances to all that weird music that we both liked.
It would be a stupid song that everyone said they hated, but we secretly loved, and we would turn it up really loud, and just dance, and you tried to teach me all those stupid shuffling moves you could do, but I just epically failed. And I remember ending up on the floor in fits of laughter and just staring at the roof talking about how epic we were,and what we were going to be like when we grew up, and how we were going to be the best brother and sister ever.
All I know, is that I can't take a single step without burning inside, and I can't cry unless I'm alone. I've never felt more alone and more fake in my life, because the truth is, I'm not fine now you're gone.
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